2003jan01. All issues are sold out.

If you enjoy low-key humorous publications, you may enjoy Macros.
I cannot promise anything at this point, except this: it will most likely cost you one American dollar. See below!

Macros2000 #9 is far enough away that I am not accepting monies at this time. But you can look at the fun-e submission form below. Ha. Ha ha.

To: Macros2000 Non-Emergency Response Service
c/o Cardhouse
USA

Name    ____________________________________________


Address ____________________________________________


Etc     ____________________________________________


_____   My email address is ___________________________ because I
        know you like to let people know what's "going on" with
        their order and/or it allows you to double-check the
        address, especially in case of returns, etc. I know you
        don't sell email addresses nor send spam, because you hate
        that so much that you rotate your own email address
        seemingly every other month and your friends hate you for
        it but then they also whine about spammers so you know,
        they can't have it both ways.

_____   #9 (the future one)

_____   I didn't enclose any IRCs because I know you hate them.

_____   I totally promise to let you know when I've received
        my copy/copies. I understand you have a love/hate relationship
        with the Post Office and like to gauge their dependability
        whenever possible.

_____   I am from Canada so I have included either one US dollar
        or $2 CDN for one issue. I have also included some strange
        advertisements or interesting bits of papery design. I
        may have included some natural non-chemical licorice which
        could be Panda brand but is more likely made in a local
        confectionery shoppe. It is most likely not a "pipe"
        because Hershey is selling licorice pipes in Canada and
        that type of licorice would probably be pumped up with
        hydrogenated soybean oil, which, on the surface, certainly
        sounds organic but I was not fooled. Although it
        could be a non-Hershey pipe but how could one tell, if
        they were just sitting out in an unmarked box in the candy
        shoppe? I could not.

_____   I am from the UK so I have included $2 US or one pound
        plus some good soft natural non-chemical licorice for
        one issue, licorice that follows the same essential
        guidelines as the Canadian-proffered licorice mentioned
        above. I may have included interesting bits of papery
        design.

_____   I am from Australia and the only way I can pay
        for anything is by sending a packet of Traditional
        Black Rabbit Licorice, which is available at Woolworths
        or Franklins. One packet will get you two issues
        (the current one + the next one), quite a bargain,
        unless it's not. I'm almost sure it is. I will send more
        if it is not. I need to do the math.

_____   I am not from the Canada/UK/Australia, so I am getting
        the sweetest deal of them all for one issue. I figured
        out how much $1 US is worth in my local currency and
        then I broke it down so I could send you the maximum
        number of bills that tally up to $1 US or just a little
        bit over. I understand that you are also accepting
        discontinued pre-EU currencies at par. I most
        likely have included interesting bits of papery design.

_____   I am not from the US but I was wondering if you park
        smaller cars inside your SUVs?

_____   You'd think that, but no. SUVs are our mobile apartments.
        They can hook up to railroad tracks so you can put it on
        "auto-pilot" and get some shut-eye.

_____   What about the Mini and the Biggest Pig Navigator? I mean,
        the Mini should be able to fit in that beast, no? Or the
        Ford Expedition, whichever the's bloatiest, and can we all
        imagine the number of Americans doing comparison shopping
        based on exactly that metric? Because I know I can.

_____   No. It's close, though.

_____   I have included some "Wilkinson" brand candy cigarettes so
        I get the current issue and the next issue in trade.

_____   I have included some "Manhattan" brand chocolate
        cigarettes so I get the current issue in trade.

_____   I have drawn funny things but only on the paper inside the
        envelope because I understand that the USPS has probably
        established a new hair-trigger response to postal
        creativity.

_____   Is this the 1950s again?

_____   I like go-c/karts and/or go-c/karting.

_____   Once when I was go-c/karting I spun around a curve and
        the back wheels weren't biting and I was heading directly
        toward a light pole and then at the last second the wheels
        bit and I squealed the hell out of there and I did not die.

_____   What about a Mini and a Hummer?

_____   Jesus Christ, shut UP about this.

Please print this out and check everything that
applies to you!

Please note: there are no subscriptions available.
Any "extra" cash allocated beyond what is listed above will be
considered a donation.